Divergent: Four's side of things
by Dahlia1
Summary: You've heard Tris's side of Divergent. Want to hear Four's? **On Hiatus! :
1. Chapter 1

I stand at the net in the Dauntless compound, waiting to see the new initiatives. I wonder absentmindedly who would be the first to jump off of the several story high building into a hole in the ground. I expect a dauntless-born to jump. Zeke's little brother is an initiative this year; it could be him. I sigh and think back to when I was an initiate two years ago. Most of the others had already jumped. It was just a couple of girls from Erudite and me. I walked up to ledge and stared down in the hole completely terrified. I jumped, trying not to scream the whole way down.

A shadow blocks out the patch of sunlight casted on the net a moment ago, and I look up. I expect the tiny outline to hesitate, but she doesn't. She falls into the net, not screaming at all. She laughs hysterically and looks around. I reach my hand out to her and she takes it, rolling out of the net. She almost falls but I steady her.

"Thank you," she says.

Her voice is low, for a girl's, especially one as small as she is.

"Can't believe it," Lauren says behind me, "A stiff the first to jump? Unheard of."

I notice her gray abnegation clothes for the first time, surprised. I was from abnegation as well. She is like me. I wonder why she left, and I hope it is a reason very different from my own.

"There's a reason she left them Lauren," I say and turn back to her,"What's your name?"

"Um…," she hesitates.

"Think about it," I say, smiling,"You don't get to pick again."

"Tris," she says confidently.

"Tris," Lauren repeats, "Make the announcement, Four."

I look over my shoulder to the crowd and shout, "First jumper, Tris!"

They erupt into cheers and pumping fists. Then another girl takes the jump, screaming the entire way down. I turn my attention back to Tris.

"Welcome to Dauntless," I say, placing my hand on her back.


	2. Chapter 2

When all the initiatives have jumped and recovered, Lauren and I lead them down a tunnel. We abruptly stop and most of them smack into each other. I see Lauren smile out of the corner of my eye.

"This is where we divide," Lauren tells them, "The Dauntless-born initiatives are with me. I assume _you_ don't need a tour of the place."

She smiles and turns to lead them down a hallway. With them gone, there are nine left. They are all from Candor and Erudite, except the little Abnegation girl. Tris.

"Most of the time I work in the control room, but for the next few weeks, I am your instructor. My name is Four," I introduce myself.

Four, of course is not my real name. It is a nickname and the one I prefer. It has no link to my previous life in Abnegation. Few people even know what faction I am originally from. I intend to keep it that way.

"Four? Like the number?" a girl asks, the one who jumped after Tris.

"Yes. Is there a problem?" I ask.

"No," she replies, wise of her.

"Good. We're about to go into the Pit, which you will someday learn to love. It-," I start, before I am interrupted by the same girl again.

I can see from her clothes, and her attitude, that she's from Candor.

"What is your name?" I ask her after a second, narrowing my eyes at her.

"Christina," she says quietly.

"Well, Christina, if I wanted to put up with Candor smart-mouths, I would have joined their faction. The first lesson you will learn is to keep your mouth shut. Got that?"

She nods and I continue on into the Pit. I can hear her and Tris whispering behind me. They must be friends. I watch all the new initiates' reactions to the room and the people walking around with piercings and tattoos. I look at Tris and she is looking at a small group of children running, panic in her gaze. I remember my first time in the pit, and understand what she is thinking. How different it is here than the orderly gray streets in Abnegation.

"If you follow me, I'll show you the chasm," I tell them.

I look down into the rushing waters. I love it here. It is so noisy that it drowns everything out. Most nights when I can't sleep or have nightmares, I come here and just listen to it, forgetting.

"The chasm reminds us that there is a fine line between bravery and idiocy," I have to yell to be heard over the roar of the rushing water," A daredevil jump off this ledge will end your life. It has happened before and it will happen again. You have been warned."

Then I lead them into the dining hall for diner. As we walk in the crowd all shouts and stomps. I glance at Tris to see her reaction. She looks at the room for a moment with surprise, and then she smiles. Her and her friend, Christina, go to sit at an empty table and I follow them. Maybe it's because she is from the same place as I am, but I want to see her reactions to all the different things here. I sit at the table beside her, with Christina on her other side. I reach for a hamburger from the middle of the table and put some ketchup on it. I look at Tris. Abnegation eat plain food. I had never seen a hamburger before I came here, and I see neither has she.

She looks at it curiously. Then she takes it slowly, looking around the room to see how everyone else eats it. I smile.

"It's beef," I tell her, "Put this on it."

I pass her the ketchup.

"You've never had a hamburger before?" Christina asks, her eyes going wide.

She talks too much. It's completely obvious she's from Candor. I don't like her.

"No. Is that what it's called?" Tris asks.

"Stiffs eat plain food," I say, before Christina can open her mouth to ask.

"Why?" She asks another question anyway.

"Extravagance is considered self-indulgent and unnecessary," Tris says, shrugging.

"No wonder you left," Christina says.

"Yeah," Tris rolls her eyes, "It was just because of the food."

I almost laugh, but I hold it in. My lip twitches into a half-smile though. She's different than the Abnegation girls I remember. She's not as quiet and they usually don't make jokes or roll their eyes. Sarcasm is not appreciated there. Maybe she left simply because she didn't like it there. Maybe she wasn't running from something, like myself. She thought she would fit in better here. I think she does.

I hear the doors open and the noise in the room dies down a little. Tris looks over her shoulder. When she sees him disgust is apparent on her face. I smile a little at this. I try to make myself look smaller, so he doesn't see me. It's not that I'm afraid of Eric. I'm not. But I do not want to speak to him. I think back to when we were initiative, when he was just a scared transfer from Erudite, but hungry for power even then. I have always hated him.

"Who's that?" Christina asks.

Again with the questions!

"His name is Eric. He's a Dauntless leader," I tell her.

"Seriously? But he's so young." she says.

I look at her, willing her to just shut up already.

"Age doesn't matter here," I tell her.

I can see she's about to ask another question, but then Eric sees me and walks to our table. He sits right next to me, like we're old friends or something. I set down my hamburger and wipe my hands on my dark jeans.

"Well aren't you going to introduce me?" he asks me, gesturing to Tris and Christina.

I feel something odd in my stomach. I don't want him to know them. I don't want him to know Tris. I tell him anyway though.

"This is Tris and Christina," I tell him.

"Ooh a Stiff," he replies; smirking at her, "We'll see how long you last."

I feel that feeling in my stomach again. I clench my hand into a fist, fighting the urge to punch Eric in the face. She will last. I am sure of it. She is strong, and she is brave.

"So what have you been doing lately, Four?" he addresses me.

"Nothing really," I say, lifting a shoulder.

"Max tells me he keeps trying to meet with you, and you don't show up. He requested that I find out what's going on with you," he says.

"Tell him I am satisfied with the position I currently hold," I say after looking at him for a moment.

I smirk, watching Eric try not to show the jealousy he feels toward me on his face. He knows I could have his job in a heartbeat if I wanted it. But I don't.

"So he wants to give you a job?" He asks, probably wondering if it is his job.

"So it would seem," I tell him.

"And you aren't interested." He says, hoping his position is safe.

"I haven't been interested for two years," I say.

"Well," he says, annoyed, "let's hope he gets the point."

He claps my back a little too hard and walks away. I immediately feel better with him gone.

"Are you…friends?" Tris asks me, curiosity in her voice.

"We were in the same initiate class. He transferred from Erudite," I tell her.

"Were you a transfer too?" she asks.

I realize I've given away too much. To say that Eric and I were in the same class and that he was a transfer would make me one as well. I didn't want her to know that.

"I thought I would only have trouble with the Candor asking too many questions. Now I've got Stiffs, too?" I say.

Guilt washes through me a little. I don't want to talk that way to her. I don't want her to think I'm cruel. But I'm afraid of what else might slip through my lips unintentionally. Also I'm the instruction and I want the other initiatives to listen to me. After all, I am only two years older than them.

"It must be because you're so approachable," she says flatly," You know. Like a bed of nails."

Definitely not something an Abnegation would say. Who is this girl? I stare at her, trying to figure her out. She stares back, her eyes boring into mine. How the _hell_ did she come from Abnegation?

"Careful, Tris," I say.

Then across the dining hall my friend, Zeke, calls out my name. I get up and as I'm walking away from the table I can just make out Tris and Christina's conversation.

"What?" Tris asks her.

"I'm developing a theory," Christina answers.

"And it is?"

"That you have a death wish."

I agree with Christina. I laugh to myself, probably the only time that will ever happen. I push all the thoughts of Tris away as I sit down to the table with all of my friends. Most of them were in my initiation class or the Dauntless-born class: Lauren, Zeke, and Shauna. Zeke is grilling Lauren on how his little brother, Uriah, is holding up. He's a new initiate this year and Zeke is worried about him.

"I heard you got a Stiff," Zeke says turning to me, "What's she like?"

"Is she as quiet and scared shitless like you when you first came here?" Lauren teases.

They laugh and I force a smile.

"Shes stronger than she looks," I say defensively.

"Oooh, do you like her?" Shauna asks me.

"No? What?" I say, but heat rushes to my cheeks.

What? No, I don't like her. Do I? ..do I?

"Sure Four," she says.

"Four, come on! You're her instructor for God's sake! Use that to your advantage. Chicks dig stuff like that," Zeke says.

"Yeah. Whatever you say, Zeke," I mumble.

"When you demonstrate how to shoot a gun, throw knifes, and fight you're going to impress her," Shauna tells me.

"She'll be a little hard to get into bed though, her being a Stiff," Zeke says.

My face turns blood red.

"He was a Stiff too, Zeke!" Lauren shouts, "Oh God, Four, tell me you've done it before."

"Um. Well," I stammer.

I look everywhere in the room except at them. My entire face is on fire. Of course I've never done it before. I grew up in Abnegation for God's sake! I've never even liked a girl before. Back in Abnegation I rarely talked to anyone at all. And now they're talking to me about doing it with a girl I just met? Who I'm not even sure I like. I'm pretty sure my face will never be its normal color again..

"I'll see you guys later," I tell them as I get up and leave the table and walk out.

I hear them calling my name and telling me they were just kidding, but I keep walking.

I let Eric take care of my initiatives the rest of the day and head back to my room. I lie down on my bed and curl up in the blanket. Do I like her? I certainly think about her a lot. I stare at her a lot. I'm very curious about her. I wonder what makes her tick. What her worst fears are, what it takes to break her into a million pieces. I don't think anything could break her. But I don't even know her; I can't like someone I don't know.


	3. Chapter 3

I wake up to the sound of banging on my door and glance at the clock beside my bed. It reads 6:30. I roll out of the bed and groan.

"I'm coming," I shout to the door.

I open the door to see Zeke standing there.

"Hey man, did you just wake up?" he asks.

"Yeah," I answer him, wondering why he's here.

Zeke usually doesn't wake up this early.

"When you weren't at breakfast this morning, Lauren told me to wake you up if you were still asleep. You have to tend to your initiatives."

"Oh. Thanks."

I'm not much of a morning person.

"See ya," Zeke says as he turns around and leaves.

I close the door and walk to the shower. I jump in and run through my usual routine quickly.

I walk into the training room and grab a gun for each initiative and one for myself just as they're making their way into the room.

"The first thing you will learn today is how to shoot a gun. The second is how to win a fight," I say as I hand a gun to Tris and the others, "Thankfully, If you are here, you already know how to get on and off a moving train, so I don't need to teach you that."

They all stare at me sleepily.

"Initiation is divided into three stages. We will measure your progress and rank you according to your performance in each stage. The stages are not weighed equally in determining your final rank, so it is possible, though difficult, to drastically improve your rank over time," I explain to them.

I look at Tris. She is examining the gun in her hand carefully. She probably hasn't ever held one before. I hadn't before I came here.

"We believe preparation eradicates cowardice, which we define as the failure to act in the midst of fear," I continue, "Therefore each stage of initiation is intended to prepare you in a different way. The first stage is primarily physical; the second, primarily emotional; the third, primarily mental."

"But what," a boy started, a yawn escaping him, "What does firing a gun have to do with bravery?"

I stare at him for a moment. Why the hell would he ask such a stupid question? Then I swiftly place my gun against his forehead and click a bullet into place. The boy- I think his name is Peter- was in the middle of another yawn. He freezes.

"Wake. Up," I snap, "You are holding a loaded gun, you idiot. Act like it."

I lower my gun. His eyes harden and his face turns bright red. He reminds me slightly of Eric. I smirk. I glace at Tris quickly. She bites her lip and stares at Peter, a tiny bit of a smile on her lips. She must not like him either. Good.

"And to answer your question… you are far less likely to soil your pants and cry for your mother if you're prepared to defend yourself. This is also information you may need later in stage one. So watch me," I tell them.

I turn towards the target. I stand with my feet apart and both hands on the gun. I fire. The bullet hits the bullseye. Then I turn toward the initiatives and they begin to fire their guns at the targets In front of them. I look at Tris. I remember how weird it felt to hold a gun in my hands for the first time. She slowly sets her feet apart, like I demonstrated, and lightly grasps the gun. She holds it out as far away from her as possible, like she's scared of it. I remember how it felt in my hands for the first time, heavy and scary. When she fires the recoil of the gun throws her small frame back. Her hands almost hit her nose and she stumbles backwards, falling against a wall. I smile a little. She then looks determinedly at the gun and just shoots in the direction of the target again and again, none of the bullets hitting it.

A small boy next to her leans over to tell her something. I think he's from Erudite. She grimaces. Then she grits her teeth and angrily turns to the target, planting her feet to the ground. This time when she fires, the bullet actually hits the target. Well, the edge of the target. He says something else to her and she smiles. She continues shooting, and then she finally hits the middle. She lowers her gun and she smiles smugly.

We break for lunch. I don't go to the dining hall though. Instead I just walk around the compound, lost in my thoughts. I wish I could talk to Tris, but I can't. I'm her instructor and that's probably all she sees me as. She would never like me. I should just forget about her. Besides, I don't even belong here like she does. I've been thinking about leaving for a while now, becoming factionless. It's not an appealing thought.

For the first time in a while I allow myself to think of my mother and the meeting we had almost a week ago. If I become factionless at least I'll have somewhere to go, but I don't want to be with her. She abandoned me. She left, and she had a good reason, but she left me. She left me alone with my father. I shudder. I thought she was dead all this time and now she meets me to tell me she's alive and she wants me now. She wants me to come be with her now that I am finally away from my father. Why didn't she come for me earlier? She didn't and that makes me hate her. Well, not hate, but close. But I can't leave now. Tris's face appears in my mind. I can't leave, when she's here.

I realize suddenly that lunch is almost over and I go to the dining hall to get the initiatives. I lead them to a large room with punching bags along one wall. They line up in front of them and I stand in the middle of the room, where they can all see me.

"As I said this morning," I say, "next you will learn how to fight. The purpose of this is to prepare you to act; to prepare your body to respond to threats and challenges- which you will need, if you intend to survive life as a Dauntless. We will go over technique today, and tomorrow you will start to fight each other. So I recommend that you pay attention. Those who don't learn fast will get hurt."

I turn toward one of the bags and demonstrate a few different kicks and punches and naming them. I glance over to Tris, wondering if Shauna is right and she will be impressed. She is already punching her own bag, fierce determination on her face. Even though she is using all of her strength, she is so tiny and scrawny that the bag barely moves at all when she hits it.

I walk around the room, towards Tris, pretending to study the other initiatives as well. I need to try not to make my favoritism to her as noticeable. I stop in front of some of them, giving them tips on how to improve. Then I walk up to Tris. I study her for a moment. She has almost no muscle at all, much like me when I first came here.

"You don't have much muscle," I tell her, "which means you're better off using your knees and elbows. You can put more power behind them."

It is something very similar that my instructor said to me when I was an initiative. I try to think of an excuse to touch her. I don't usually like physical contact, but I want to feel her warm skin against mine. Why am I thinking this?

_Because you like her_, a small voice in my head answers.

I don't like her. I don't. And even if I did, she wouldn't feel the same about me. But I want to touch her. Before I can convince myself that this is a bad idea, that I should just keep my hands to myself, I reach my hand out and place it on her stomach. I can feel her warmth under her t-shirt. She is so small that my hand touches both sides of her ribcage. I feel her breath quicken. She is from Abnegation and physical contact is not common there; she must be uncomfortable. She stares at me, wide-eyed.

"Don't forget to keep tension here," I tell her quietly.

I let my hand drop and continue walking around. I pretend to watch them practice, but my mind is elsewhere. I touched her. I can't believe I did that. I am so stupid. I should just leave her alone. But I can't.

I dismiss the initiates for dinner and stay behind in the room. As they walk out the room I catch a bit of Tris and her friends' conversation. It's about me.

"I'm surprised he didn't break you in half," Christina says to Tris, "He scares the hell out of me. It's that quiet voice he uses."

She annoys me. I would never hurt Tris! But I do smirk at the thought of her being scared of me. But I hope Tris doesn't agree. I don't want Tris to be scared of me.

"Yeah. He's.." she hesitates.

My breath stops for a second. I can finally know what she thinks of me. _He's what?_

"..definitely intimidating," she finishes.

I start to breathe again. _Definitely intimidating? What the hell does that mean?_ They walk through the door and I can't hear them anymore. My stomach growls and I remember that I skipped lunch and I walk to the dining hall.

I sit down and eat, conversations going on all around me. I sit with my friends and they try to talk to me at first, but they can tell I'm not really in it. So I just eat my food silently, thinking about what Tris said about me. _Definitely intimidating._ Whatever that means.

As we walk out of the room I stop Lauren. I have to know what she meant by that! I mean, Lauren is a girl, maybe she can tell me.

"Hey Lauren. Can I ask you something?" I turn to her.

We stand outside the door to the dining hall, against the wall so we're out of the way.

"Yeah, sure, what is it?" she answers me.

I hesitate for a second. But I have to know.

"I overheard Tris say something about me.. and I was wondering what she meant."

"What was it?"

"She said I was.. 'definitely intimidating'. What does that mean?"

Lauren chews on her lip for a minute, thinking.

"I honestly don't know, Four," she tells me.

I nod and walk away, telling her I'll see her later over my shoulder.

I walk back to the room with the punching bags and decide I'll punch the bag for a while to relieve some stress. I think about my mother and Tris and my father. And by the time I'm done my knuckles are red and raw and I'm covered in sweat, but I do feel better.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hey guys!(: Thank you so much for the reviews! I absolutely love youuuu.44**

The next morning I wake up and head to the training room. The initiates are fighting today. I walk up to the old chalkboard and begin to pair them up. I'm not sure who I should put Tris with. I don't want anyone to hurt her; I'm not sure I could watch that. I realize that there is an odd number, so someone would not have a partner. I smile. But she'll have to do it tomorrow. I sigh.

The initiates file into the room.

"Since there are an odd number of you, one of you won't be fighting today," I tell them.

I look at Tris to see her reaction. She looks a little relieved. Then her friend, Christina elbows her and she winces. Her muscles must be sore from yesterday. Mine are. She turns to her and they start talking, but I am too far away to hear what they're saying.

Then Eric walks in the room.

"What are you doing here," I ask him.

"Just here to watch," he tells me, glancing around.

He speaks with authority, like he's somebody important and you should know that. I guess he is, but it still makes me sick the way he acts. I sigh.

"Will and Al," I say and motion toward the arena.

They step in and Al punches Will in the jaw. He is big and has more muscle than Will. He'll probably be the winner. Will knocks Al to the ground and he gets back up, ready for more. They glance at each other for a moment then look to me. They want me to call off the fight and determine the winner, I think. But I just stand there silently with my arms crossed. When they see I'm not going to call it off, the start to circle each other. They're friends, I think; they don't want to hurt the other. They need to get over that though, fast. Especially with Eric staring them down.

"Do you think this is a leisure activity? Should we break for nap-time? Fight each other!" Eric shouts at them.

"But, is it scored or something? When does the fight end?" Al asks.

"It ends when one of you is unable to continue," he answers.

"According to Dauntless rules, one of you could also concede," I say.

"According to the old rules," Eric says to me, narrowing his eyes, "In the new rules, no one concedes."

I'm pretty sure he just made that up. It's stupid. These are our future members, why do we want them to get completely knocked out? Oh, I know why. Because Eric wants to see that.

"A brave man acknowledges the strength of others," I say.

"A brave man never surrenders," he replies.

He raises a heavily pierced eyebrow, daring me to say more. I don't though. I just stare at him for a moment. I can't say anything. He has the authority. It's times like these that I regret not taking his job when I was offered it. I hear Al and Will say something, but I don't catch the words. They start to fight again. Eric turns to watch, smiling. Like a spoiled child who finally got what he wanted after crying about it for an hour. I watch the fight without really seeing it. I have no pleasure in watching them beat each other up. No, I am not sadistic like Eric.

Then Al punches Will in the jaw and he falls to the ground, out cold. I grimace. Al sits down next to him, his eyes wide.

"Get him up," Eric tells him.

Al puts Will's arm around him and carries him from the arena. I walk over to the chalk board and circle Al's name.

"Next up- Molly and Christina!" Eric shouts.

I take Will from Al. He is coming to now, but he's not able to hold his eyes open. I half carry him to the infirmary. I don't want to leave the others alone with Eric. Especially not Tris. I hand Will off to a nurse and turn to leave. I don't come here much, it reminds me too much of my own, many visits to the hospital in Abnegation. A shiver escapes me. I really don't want to go back to the training room. Eric wouldn't do anything terribly awful, would he? He can get away with a lot, being a Dauntless leader, but nothing completely horrific. And I can't exactly just tell him no, even if I was there. I reason with myself and decide not to go back.

I walk back to my apartment and lay down on my bed. I think back to when I was an initiate and how awful the others treated me, because I was from Abnegation. And the Erudite transfers had all heard the rumors about my father; Eric used to taunt me about that so much. I feel the urge to punch something. I hope they're treating Tris better. She seems stronger than I was though; I think it would have little effect on her.

I bury my head into my pillow and groan. Why do I think about her all the time?

I wake up and realize I slept all day, through lunch, and it is now half-way through diner. So I jump up and go to the dining hall. I sit with my friends.

"I told you he wasn't there! He wouldn't have let that happen," Shauna tells Zeke.

A feeling of terror is in my stomach. What is she talking about? Is it the initiates? What did Eric do to them? I shouldn't have left them alone with him. What if, what if he did something to Tris?

"What are you talking about?" I ask them, rubbing my eyes.

"Eric took your class on a little field trip to the chasm," Zeke says.

I drop my fork. I feel my eyes widen.

"He made a girl from Candor hang from the railing. For five minutes."

A girl form Candor, not Tris. Relief floods through me. I can't believe he did this though. It could have been Tris! I shake my head, the poor girl. I wonder what she did that Eric believed to be worth her life.

"She made it," Lauren says, seeing my expression.

"Oh," I say.

"Yeah. So where were you when this was happening," she asks.

"I had to take one of the initiates to the infirmary and I just went back to my room. I didn't want to watch the fights."

"Who did the Stiff go against?" Zeke asks.

I smile wryly.

"Nobody today, there is an odd number. She'll have to fight tomorrow though."

"Oh. Well, we're going to go to the training room. Want to come?"

I nod off the offer.

"Okay, well see ya," she calls as they leave.

I'm finished eating by now. I stand up and look around the room. I want to find Eric. I'm not exactly sure what I'll do when I find him. He still remembers the rumors and he will use them against me. My entire new life here could be destroyed at his will. But that doesn't matter, right now. He held that girl's life in his hands; he didn't care if she fell in the chasm. It would have made no difference to him if she lived or not. _And it could have been Tris_. She could easily make him mad, with that smart mouth of hers. _Next time it could be Tris_. No. There won't be a next time.

I walk through the halls and I finally see him. I corner him against the wall so he can't walk away from me.

"I heard what you did," I spit at him.

He appears calm, but I can see a slight scared look in his eyes.

"What exactly did I do?" he asks, playing dumb.

"You know what you did. You made that girl hang over the chasm!"

"So I did."

"You idiot! What was the point of that? To try to kill our initiates before they even become members? Why would you do that?"

"Because, it was entertaining."

This response sends me over the edge. He did it for fun. The sick bastard. I pull back my arm and punch him in the jaw.

I didn't use my full strength; it won't even leave a bruise. He doesn't care though.

"Where did you learn to punch like that? From your father?"

I cringe and punch him again. But he's ready for it this time. He ducks. Then his fist is up and nearly hits my cheek. Suddenly one of the older Dauntless leaders, Max, runs up to us.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" he shouts at us.

We stop and turn to him. Eric opens his mouth.

"I have no idea. He just walked up to me and punched me. I was just standing here, waiting for a friend to meet me," he says.

_Lies_. Max turns to me and raises an eyebrow. I roll my eyes and wave it off. Then I walk away, heading back to my apartment. I sit down on my bed, still shaking from anger. I just sit there, breathing for a while, trying to calm down. I can't go to sleep. I've slept all day. I decide to go up to the control room and get some work done.


	5. Chapter 5

The next morning I walk in the training room and Eric is there. He has already paired up the initiates for the fights today. He has Tris paired with Peter. Panic flashes on my face. Eric sees it and smiles an evil smile.

"What's wrong Four? Don't want to see that little Stiff hurt?" he taunts me.

I can't make him change it. He would realize that I care for her, and he can't know that. He would make her life hell.

So I shrug nonchalantly. It takes all my strength to keep a straight face, for all my panic, fear, and anger not to show.

The initiates start to come in now and I turn away from Eric. Tris walks in and stops in the middle of her step, shocked. Her friends, Christina and Al are talking to her. Annoyance crosses her face. I wonder what they said to annoy her. The first fight begins, but I pay them no attention. I stare into space instead.

I glance at Tris; she looks a little nervous. Maybe he'll knock her out with one punch. She won't feel much pain. I wish she could get a few good hits in, but she has no muscle and it wouldn't even faze him. Maybe she'll remember what I told her and use her knees and elbows. Tris looks at Peter, studying him, looking for weaknesses and finding none. She bits the inside of her cheek, still trying to think of a plan.

Then it's their turn. Tris and Peter walk into the arena.

"You okay there, Stiff? You look like your about to cry. I might go easy on you if you cry," he taunts her.

Anger flashes through me. I can't imagine Tris crying. I hope I don't have to see that now. I cross my arms and stand there, staring at her, willing for this not to be happening. Beside me, Eric taps his foot fast, setting me even more on edge.

"Come on, Stiff. Just one little tear. Maybe some begging," Peter continues.

Tris doesn't say anything. Then she tries to kick him in the side, but he grabs her foot and she falls to the ground. But she doesn't stay down.

"Stop playing with her; I haven't got all day," Eric yells at them.

I want to break his nose.

Then Peter punches Tris in the jaw. Hard. She just moves a little, barely conscious. He kicks her in the stomach and she falls again. I don't think she'll get back up, but then she does. Well she tries to. Peter grabs her hair and punches her in the nose. She tries to hit his arms but he just hits her again, in the ribs this time. Blood gushes out of her nose. Peter shoves her to the ground. She just gets up again though. Why doesn't she just stay down? How much more can she take? I can't watch this! She punches him and she actually hits him, but it has almost no effect. Peter laughs.

I can't take anymore. I walk out the door. I hear her scream through the door. And I run. I run as far away from her scream as I can, from her pain. I did not want to see that. I feel like I'm about to vomit. I run until I find a dark, quiet hallway where there is no one. I lean against the wall and slide down. I bury my face in my hands. I can't stop picturing Tris lying on the floor, bleeding and screaming in pain. I open my eyes and stare at the wall, hugging my knees to my chest.

I get up and head to the infirmary. I don't care how much I hate it there, I want to see her. I walk in the door and I see her, asleep on a cot. A blanket is pulled up around her shoulders so all I see is her face. Her eye is blackening, her nose still has a little stray blood on it, and her jaw will be bruised by tomorrow.

"Hello sir," a nurse says to me, "May I help you?"

"I'm here to see her," I tell her, pointing at Tris.

She nods and walks away.

I walk up to her slowly. I hope she doesn't wake up and see me here; what would I say? But then again, I wish she would wake up and I could talk to her. I push her hair behind her ear and put my hand on her face. What am I doing? I let her go and pull a chair up next to the bed. In an hour I should leave. Her friends will come and check on her when their class is over. I sigh. I should leave now. I shouldn't even have come. What would she think if she knew I was here? It would probably freak her out.

A nurse comes to give her some pain medication. I wonder how long she stayed in there before she let go. If she just had more muscle. I look at her. She looks kind of peaceful asleep. I pull her arm out from underneath the blanket and take her hand. What am I doing? I don't let go. I'm holding her hand. Why am I holding her hand? I don't know… I still don't let go. Her skin feels soft and delicate against mine. Her hand is so small compared to mine. I picture holding her hand when she's awake and her smiling. I want it to be real. But it could never be. She wouldn't want to hold my hand.

I sigh again. I release her hand and touch her face once more before I leave.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hey guys! Thank you all so much for the reviews :D I love you all. I am so so sorry that it has taken me this long to add more. I'm on a dance team and we go to camp next week so we've been practicing a lot. But anyway, read it and review please! (:**

I stand at the train tracks the next morning. The initiates should be here any minute now for their little field trip to the fence. I stand close to the tracks, studying them, and waiting for the vibration that means the train is almost here. I'm not going to look at _her_. I'm not. It was my fault that she was put in a fight with Peter, because Eric thought I liked her. I hear her and her friends talking behind me. I don't turn around.

My mind races, trying to find a good reason I should look at her as the train approaches. I step back and let some of the others get in first. Then I grab the handle of the train car and pull myself in. I stand at the edge, watching the racing trees, but I can see her out of the corner of my eye, jogging next to the train, about to jump. I can see how much pain it causes her, and I bet she's hiding most of it. Al lifts her under her arms and pulls her in. I feel a pang of jealousy; he can so casually touch her anytime, where I can't.

"Feeling okay there? Or are you a little.. _Stiff_?" Peter says to her.

He disgusts me. I wish he would fall out of the moving train and be gone.

"We are all awed by your incredible wit," Will tells him.

"Yeah, are you sure you don't belong with the Erudite, Peter? I hear they don't object to sissies," Christina adds.

I'm tired off this.

"Am I going to have to listen to your bickering all the way to the fence?" I snap.

They quieten down and I lean back out the opening. I feel the wind against my body. It feels amazing. I close my eyes and smile, thinking of nothing at all.

We arrive at the fence and everyone jumps off the train.

"Follow me," I tell them.

I lead them over in front of the gate.

"If you don't rank in the top five at the end of initiation, you will probably end up here," I continue, "Once you are a fence guard, there is some potential for advancement, but not much. You may be able to go on patrols beyond Amity's farms, but-"

"Patrols for what purpose," Will asks me.

A former Erudite. I shrug. I don't really know what is beyond the fence. I've wondered about it, but I know better than to ask.

"I suppose you'll discover that if you find yourself among them. As I was saying. For the most part, those who guard the fence when they are young continue to guard the fence. If it comforts you, some of them insist that it isn't as bad as it seems."

"What rank were you?" Peter asks me.

I look at him levelly and tell him, "First."

"And you chose to do _this_?" He continues eyes wide, "Why didn't you want a government job?

"I didn't want one,"I reply flatly, hoping he'll catch the hint and stop asking questions.

The gates open, letting an Amity truck through. I sigh. I don't even understand the point of this field trip. We go to show them the fence and we leave. What exactly is the point of that? I stand there looking outside the fence. I think back to Will's question, what is out there? Then I hear a boy's voice behind me.

"Beatrice," he questions, surprised.

Beatrice? There isn't an initiate named Beatrice. I turn to see who he is talking to. He jumps off the truck and hesitates for a moment, and then pulls Tris into a hug. Tris? Oh. Tris must be short for Beatrice. I think back to the day when she jumped first and remember her hesitation when giving her name. I see why now. Beatrice isn't really a dauntless name. I think Tris suits her better. I feel a small pang of jealousy. Then I smile a little smugly when she just stands there stiffly, not hugging him back. She doesn't want to hug him.

"Beatrice, what happened to you? What happened to your face?" he asks her.

"Nothing," she answers, "Just training. Nothing."

That is so like her. To pretend it was absolutely nothing, when in reality she just got beaten for almost ten minutes and then got knocked unconscious. But no, it's nothing. She's fine. I smile a little.

"_Beatrice?_" Molly laughs, "Is that your real name, Stiff?"

I grimace. She's not going to be laughing when Tris outranks her. And I know she will. Because she's strong and everything a true dauntless should be.

"What did you _think _Tris was short for?" Tris replies.

"Oh, I don't know… weakling? Oh wait, _that _doesn't start with Tris. My mistake."

I roll my eyes at what most likely is the most pathetic comeback I have ever heard. I even almost laugh. She is such an idiot.

"There's no need to antagonize her," the boy softly says, "I'm Robert, and you are?"

Robert. I wonder how she knows him. Maybe he's from Abnegation as well.

"Someone who doesn't care what your name is," Molly says, "Why don't you get back in your truck? We're not supposed to fraternize with other faction members."

"Why don't you get away from us," Tris snaps.

"Right. Wouldn't want to get between you and your boyfriend."

I sincerely hope that after initiation is over I never have to see her again. She walks away from Tris and the boy, Robert. Boyfriend. Tris couldn't have a boyfriend. She was just trying to taunt Tris. He's not her boyfriend. Even if Tris did have a boyfriend, I highly doubt it would be an Amity transfer from Abnegation. Not really what I'd consider her type. Her type. What is her type? I find myself thinking maybe _I_ could be her type. I shake my head. God. Why do I keep thinking these things?

"They don't seem like nice people," Robert states.

"Some of them aren't."

"You could go home, you know. I'm sure Abnegation would make an exception for you."

She wouldn't go back. I feel a pang of fear in my stomach. No, even if it was allowed, she wouldn't. She has too much pride.

"What makes you think I want to go home?" her face is red, "You think I can't handle this or something?"

"It's not that. It's not that you can't, it's that you shouldn't have to. You should be happy."

He must know Tris well. He knows better than to say she can't handle something.

"This is what I chose. This is it. Besides, Robert. The goal of my life isn't just.. to be happy."

"Wouldn't it be easier if it was, though?"

Before she can answer she touches her once more and then gets back into the truck. They drive away. I walk over to a guard to say hi. She was in my initiate class. She was one of the few that were nice to me.

"Hey Ally," I nod.

"Hey Four! How are you?" she replies.

"I'm fine. And you?"

"I'm good."

I smile and wave to her a goodbye. I walk over to Tris.

"I am worried you have a knack for making unwise decisions," I tell her.

She crosses her arms.

"It was a two-minute conversation," she protests.

"I don't think a smaller time frame makes it any less unwise."

Before I can think about it I reach out to her face and touch the corner of her bruised eye. She jerks back. I don't know if I hurt her or if she is uncomfortable with this contact. I tilt my head and sigh. I want to tell her that I want to know her; I want her to know me too. And I want her to like me, because, maybe, possibly, I like her too. But I can't. Instead, I think of something instructor-like to say.

"You know, if you could just learn to attack first you might do better."

It's true, but not what's on my mind.

"Attack first? How will that help?"

"You're fast. If you can get a few good hits in before they know what's going on, you could win."

I lift my shoulders and regrettably let my hand fall.

"I'm surprised you know that, since you left halfway through my one and only fight."

I can't believe she noticed that. She was in the arena being beaten unconscious and she noticed me leave the room? Does that mean anything at all?

"It wasn't something I wanted to watch."

I didn't mean for that to slip out. She looks at me, confused. I clear my throat.

"Looks like the next train is here. Time to go, Tris."

We ride the train back to the Dauntless compound. It's lunch time so I go to the dining hall. I'm a little late and Zeke and Shauna are the only ones still here. I sit next to them and fix myself a plate.

"Hey Four," Zeke greets me.

"Hey. Have you heard how Uriah is doing?" I ask.

"Yeah, Lauren said he's really good." His face lights up. I know how much he cares about his little brother.

"That's great." I smile.

I don't say much after that. As I eat Zeke and Shauna talk. They're sitting really close together, and flirting a lot. I finish my lunch and get up to leave.

"See you guys," I tell them.

"Bye," Shauna calls.

"Later," Zeke shouts after me.

I go back to my apartment and fall on the bed. I close my eyes for a second and suddenly I'm asleep.

_ I'm ten years old. Only ten! Sometimes I mess up. Doesn't he get that? Wasn't he ten once too? I stare at my spelling test I got back at school today. It has a big 50 written in bright, scary red ink. I have to get him to sign it. And he will be mad. He's always mad. I always do something to upset him. I gulp as I walk down the street, to my house. I hope he won't be there. I'm not ready for this yet. I stop walking and sit down on the sidewalk, ducking my head. I squeeze my eyes, begging myself not to cry. _

"_Beatrice!" I hear a boy shout._

_ I look to see a girl who looks almost my age sitting on the sidewalk staring at the red liquid gushing from her knee. She looks up and sees me. She has tears in her eyes. I stuff the spelling test in my bag and go to help her up. The boy walks up to us._

"_Beatrice," he says again, "Are you okay."_

_ I reach out my hand and help her up. By now the tears are spilling over her eyes, running down her cheeks. She tries to hide them; it is considered selfish to openly cry._

"_I'm fine."_

_ She sniffles._

"_Thank you," she says to me._

_ I nod and look down at the ground, away from her kind eyes. Then I run home. _

_ I regret this as soon as I walk in the door. He is standing there. Tears spring back into my eyes. I pull out the paper._

"_I.. um.. will you.. please.. sign.. this?" I manage to get out, handing him the test._

"_What is this?" he asks, his voice hard, cold, angry._

"_It's my spelling test," I squeak out._

_ He goes to the kitchen and gets a pen. He signs the paper and walks to me, leaving it on the counter. I know what's coming, and I'm scared. I step back and trip over something. I fall to the ground and he laughs at me. I curl up and try to make myself as small as possible. I watch him as he pulls his belt off and takes it in his hands. _

"_Tobias, this is for your own good," he tells me._

_ A whimper escapes me. Then he hits me with his belt. The tears that I had been trying so hard to hold in fall. I cover my face with my hands and he hits me again. It hurts. _

"_You are not good enough to be my son," he yells at me, "You are not good enough to be anything. And you never will be good enough. No one could ever love you!"_

_ He laughs and continues to hit me. I just sit there, crying. I know its worse when I try to run away. Then he stops. He grabs me and pulls me up the stairs. _Oh. The closet._ He throws me into a tiny closet and locks the door shut. I know it will do no good to beat on the door or to beg him to let me out. So I lean against the wall, pulling my knees against my chest. I cry. I just let the tears stream down my face; I don't try to hold them back now. I hate this closet. It is so small. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I try to keep my breathing steady, but the combination of my crying and the fear of this small space make it almost impossible. I know that I'll be in here for almost three hours. I think about what my dad said. That no one could ever love me. I cry harder. And then for some reason I think of the girl that scraped her knee. Beatrice. I smile a small smile through my tears._

I wake up soaked in sweat. My face and pillow are wet with my tears. I groan. Another nightmare about Marcus. I don't get up though. I bury my face in my pillow. This one was different though. _Beatrice_. Oh. Tris. I smile a little at the thought of her. I remember that day back when I was ten. I think of her then and now. She looks kind of the same. I wouldn't have made the connection though, if I didn't know her name. I wonder if she remembers that day. If she sees me now and thinks that she's see me before. Probably not. She doesn't know that I'm from Abnegation or even my real name. I find myself wanting her to know these things. Not about Marcus. God no. But the other things. The things that make me who I am. I sigh. I really need to stop thinking about this. Like Marcus said to me so many times, _No one could ever love me._


	7. AN

**A/N: Hey guys! I am so sorry if you thought that this was an update! :( I am also so very sorry that I've kind of dropped off the face of the Earth for a while… But a lot of people are doing this and I think I make Four way too sweet, so I kind of stopped… But please review and tell me if you really want me to continue! :) I promise if you want me to continue, that I will update tonight! :D So review and tell me if I should, please! XOXO{:**


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N: Oh my gosh! I didn't know you guys actually liked story! AHHH! I love all of you so much! :D You have added colorful sprinkles to the boring cupcake that was my day. (: poemfromtheheart: Marry me. Haha(: Anyways here is the long awaited update to my story. It's a super long one to apologize for dropping off the face of the Earth for so long. In case anyone wanted to know it was 10 pages on word, it has 4,196 words, and took me absolutely forever. Enjoy! XOXO{:**

A couple hours after diner the next night it was time for the annual Dauntless initiate game of paintball. The transfers didn't know about it and they were probably just about to fall asleep in their beds. Eric throws the dorm door open and shines flashlights in their faces. A few older Dauntless behind me shines their flashlights as well, lighting up the room.

"Everybody up!" Eric screams at them.

I look at Tris and see her confusion as she squints her eyes at the group of us interrupting her sleep. Her eyes meet mine and I can't look away.

"Did you go deaf, Stiff?" Eric shouts at her.

I flinch and look away from her, around the room. Her Candor friend only had a T-shirt on, nothing else. She stares at Eric with her arms crosses. I can almost hear his predatory thoughts about her long bare legs.

"You have five minutes to get dressed and meet us by the tracks," he tells them, "We're going on another field trip."

We all turn and walk out the door, then run up the stairs to the tracks. I grab a gun and ammunition and stand out of the way of the initiates.

"Everyone grab a gun!" Eric yells.

I can hear the pride in his voice, that he's the one in charge. He's the one telling them what to do.

"Time estimate?" he asks me, like I am his personal secretary who keeps up with things like this for him.

I look at the watch I wear on my wrist, like I did back in Abnegation.

"Any minute now. How long is it going to take you to memorize the train schedule?"

"Why should I, when I have you to remind me of it?" he replies, shoving my shoulder.

But he's already watching me because of Tris, so I don't snap at him and punch him in the nose like I want to. I look down the tracks and I see the train coming closer. I step closer to it. As soon as it passes, I'm the first to jump on. Tris runs next to the train, leaving her friends behind. I remember Al helping her into the train yesterday and remember how her muscles still probably ache and she's still covered in bruises. So I reach out my hand to her. She grabs my arm and I pull her up, trying to do all the work for her. As soon as she's in the car though, she lets go as if my arm is hot like a stove eye. She doesn't look at me and goes to sit at the other side of the car. It was probably a good thing she did that, showed no interest in me, but I couldn't feeling a tiny pang of hurt in the bottom of my stomach.

Once everyone is in the car I shake thoughts of her from my mind and try to focus on the game.

"We'll be dividing into two teams to play capture the flag. Each team will have an even mix of members, Dauntless-born initiates, and transfers. One team will get off first and find a place to hide their flag. Then the second team will get off and do the same. This is a Dauntless tradition, so I suggest you take it seriously." I explain the game to them.

"What do we get if we win?" someone shouts.

Ugh. I swear, why are they all so stupid?

"Sounds like the kind of question someone not from Dauntless would ask," is all I say, raising an eyebrow, "You get to win, of course."

"Four and I will be your team captains," Eric says, taking charge again, desperate to always be in charge, like the power-thirsty Erudite he always will be.

He turns to me.

"Let's divide up transfers first, shall we?"

He cocks an eyebrow at me and I can almost swear he _knows_.

"You go first," I say, and instantly regret it.

What if he picks Tris just to get back at me? No, he wouldn't. I already know what kind of people he wants on his team, the obviously strong and brutal ones. He wouldn't pick her just to spite me.

"Edward," he says, shrugging.

I knew it. I lean against the door frame and nod to myself. I already knew what kind of people I wanted on my team too. I looked over the initiates. Of course I'm going to pick her first.

"I want the Stiff," I say as nonchalantly as possible.

The others started laughing. We'll see whose laughing when she ranks first. She blushes and anger is clear on her face.

"Got something to prove?" Eric asks me with a smirk, "Or are you just picking the weak ones so that if you lose, you'll have someone to blame it on?"

Well, I definitely wasn't telling the enemy my game plan. And weak one? Let him think that. I'll be laughing one day when Tris kicks his ass.

I just shrug my shoulders and say, "Something like that."

I look at Tris's face again. She is mad, definitely mad. She scowls and then fierce determination sets in on her face. She's going to prove to them she sure as hell wasn't weak. It took a lot of willpower to not kiss her right then, because I really wanted to kiss her. I have never kissed a girl in my whole life, but I wanted to kiss Tris. I force myself to turn to Eric.

"Your turn," I tell him.

"Peter."

"Christina."

"Molly."

"Will."

I bite my nail.

"Al."

"Drew."

"Last one left is Myra. So she's with me," he states, "Dauntless-born initiates next."

And so it goes on, with me picking the smarter ones who are small and thus can run faster and him picking the ones with the obvious brute strength. I see Tris smile out of the corner of my eye, she figured out my strategy.

"Your team can get off second," Eric says to me with a smirk.

"Don't do me any favors," I smile a little, "You know I don't need them to win."

"No, I know that you'll lose no matter when you get off," he bites his lip ring, second guessing himself. "Take your scrawny team and get off first, then."

I see Al looking at Tris. I feel anger bubbling inside of me. I'm pretty sure he likes her. She smiles back at him. Could she like him back? I shake off these stupid thoughts and get ready to jump. I land on my feet, sometime I can finally do after a lot of practice. I see Tris jump and run a few feet after she lands, but she doesn't fall. She smiles a smug smile. Weak? I can't believe anyone can look at her and think that.

One of the Dauntless-born I had seen around with Uriah before, Marlene, touches my shoulder and I fight the urge to flinch away from her touch.

"When your team won, where did you put the flag?" she asks me.

"Telling you wouldn't really be in the spirit of the exercise, Marlene," I tell her.

"Come on, Four," she whines.

She smiles a girly smile at me. I try to brush her hand off my arm as gently as possible.

"Navy Pier," Uriah says, "My brother was on the winning team. They kept the flag at the carousel."

He smiles smugly at me and I roll my eyes at him. I wanted to play a different game, not the one I played two years ago.

"Let's go there, then," Will suggests.

No one protests and we start to walk to the carousel at Navy Pier.

"We're close to Erudite headquarters, right?" I hear Christina ask behind me.

"Yeah. It's South of here," he replies, longing in his voice.

If he knows what's good for him, he would just forget about his old faction. Hopefully he will soon.

We cross the bridge over the marsh that used to be a lake. I wonder if it was still a lake, the Dauntless would come here to swim in it. Probably. We walk through the broken concrete and glass part of the city. Its dark out and I try not to look at it and think that the rest of the city could easily get this way if we destroy it. I hear a flashlight click on and turn over my shoulder to see whose it is. Marlene. She will no doubt get teased for her "fear" of the dark.

"Scared of the dark, Mar?" I hear Uriah say as I predicted.

"If you want to step on broken glass, Uriah, be my guest," she snapped.

But she turned out the flashlight anyway, to show how fearless she was. I almost laughed at their behavior. It was kind of ridiculous. I heard Tris and her friends discuss the Ferris wheel. I looked over at it, glad nobody rode it anymore.

We finally reached the old carousel. It was pretty beat up, the once pretty horses looked evil with half of the paint chipped off. I pulled the flag from my pocket.

"In ten minutes, the other team will pick their location. I suggest you take this time to formulate a strategy. We may not be Erudite, but mental preparedness is one aspect of your Dauntless training. Arguably, it is the most important aspect," I tell them.

Will takes the flag from me.

"Some people should stay here and guard and some people should go out and scout the other team's location," he announced.

"Yeah? You think?" Marlene yanks the flag form his hands, "Who put you in charge, transfer?"

Oh, great. Here we go with the bickering.

"No one," he replies, "But someone's got to do it."

"Maybe we should develop a more defensive strategy. Wait for them to come to us, then take them out," Christina adds in.

"That's the sissy way out," Uriah argues, "I vote we all go out. Hide the flag well enough that they can't find it."

Everyone starts talking at once, yelling over each other, trying to be heard over the others. Tris doesn't say anything. I go and sit on the carousel and I look up at the moon. I look over at her and she has her eyes closed, her facial features deep in thought. She looks over her should and starts to walk to the Ferris wheel, trying to be quiet. What is she doing? She approaches the Ferris wheel and looks up at it. She wasn't going to climb it was she? I get up and walk up behind her without thinking. She grabs a rung. She is actually going to try to climb this old rusty metal death trap! She jumps on a low rung to test her weight.

"Tris," I say.

She doesn't jump. I wonder if she knew I was behind her. She looks over her shoulder at me.

"Yes?" she asks, as if she wasn't doing anything related to danger or trouble at all.

"I came to find out what you think you're doing."

"I'm seeking higher ground. I don't _think_ I'm doing anything."

I smile at her. And then for reasons I can't begin to fathom...

"All right. I'm coming."

I don't know why I said it. I had absolutely no desire what so ever to climb to the top of a Ferris wheel. And I really did not want to freak out in front of Tris and show her how scared and wimpy I actually am.

She just stared at me for a second, looking at me as if she was trying to figure something out.

"I'll be fine," she says.

I can tell she's tired of people thinking she's small and powerless and week.

"Undoubtedly," I tell her, meaning it.

She turns to back and starts to climb. I take a deep breath and I follow her. I climb faster than she does, not wanting my weight to stay on one rung for too long. I just want to hurry up and get this over with and get back on the ground! I look down. _Oh God._ I feel my heart speed up and my breathing get faster.

"So tell me, what do you think the purpose of this exercise is? The game, I mean, not the climbing."

I had to say something, anything to get my mind off of the height! And honestly, I was curious about her thoughts. She stared down for a minute at the ground far below us. She didn't look scared at all. She looked interested. In the ground. Will she ever stop amazing me?

"Learning about strategy. Teamwork, maybe," she says.

"Teamwork," I echo.

I attempt to laugh, but it sounds like something dying. What she just did, walk away from the group and do whatever she wanted to, that wasn't anything close to teamwork.

"Maybe not," she thinks about it, "Teamwork doesn't seem to be a Dauntless priority."

She's right. Dauntless has changed so much, so have all of the factions, from what they were in the beginning, what they were meant to be.

It's windy and I'm a little afraid that with her small frame it will pull her away. She holds on tighter to the rungs. She looks down again, not scared at all. _How is she doing this_? My heartbeat is still not steady and I can feel it in my palms that are soaking with sweat. I'm afraid to let go of the rung and wipe them, afraid I might fall. My breathe is really fast again and I hope she can't hear it over the wind. I have to stop thinking about it! What were we talking about? Oh.

"It's supposed to be a priority. It used to be."

Her hand almost misses the next rung. She doesn't react at all. I have to keep talking. I have to think of something other than this!

"Now tell me, what do you think learning strategy has to do with bravery?" I asked slowly, my breathe still not normal.

"It…it prepares you to act," she responds after a moment of thought, "You learn strategy so you can use it."

My breathing picks up, faster. We are so high.

"Are you all right, Four?"

She must have heard my ragged breathing. But I couldn't help it. I almost didn't care anymore. We were up so high! How was she even sane right now?

"Are you _human_, Tris? Being up this high..." I gulped, "It doesn't scare you at all?"

She looks over her shoulder at the ground calmly. _Calmly._ Just then a gust of wind blew against her and she lost her balance. She gasped and clung to the rungs, catching herself. My hand shot out and grabbed one of her hips, one finger on a small sliver of bare skin showing. Heat flooded my face. I couldn't breathe for an entirely different reason. I squeezed and steadied her. For a second I forget where we are, fifty feet from the ground. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. I let my hand fall and quickly grabbed the rung. She doesn't move for a second, her breathe was a little unsteady.

"You okay?" I asked.

"Yes," she replied, her voice strained.

She could have died! She could have fallen! I just want to be back on the ground and her to be safe. But she starts to climb again and reaches a platform. She sits on it and moves over to make room for me. She dangles her legs over the side. How can she do this? I try to make myself as small as possible and hold on tight, my breathe is heavy.

"You're afraid of heights."

She says it like a fact, something she knows, not a question.

"How do you survive in the Dauntless compound?" she asks.

Her tone towards me is the same as it has always been. She doesn't seem to think of me any less just because I'm afraid of something that, to her probably seems senseless. She seems to enjoy heights. And despite where I am and how scared I am, I smile at her.

"I ignore my fear," I answer her question, "When I make decisions, I pretend it doesn't exist."

She stares at me and she doesn't look away for a long time. Why is she staring at me? What is going through her mind?

"What?" I ask quietly.

"Nothing."

She eyes shift from me to the city below us.

"We're not high enough," she states, looking up, reminded of why we were up here.

She can't possibly want to climb any higher. Could she?

"I'm going to climb."

She could. She was crazy! I just wanted to close my eyes and curl up in a ball until I was magically back on the ground. She stood up and grabbed a bar above her and pulled herself up.

"For God's sake, Stiff!"

She wasn't going any higher. She was going to stop now and we were going to climb slowly back to the safety of the ground.

"You don't have to follow me."

Ugh. She continued climbing.

"Yes, I do," I said.

I don't know if I said it because I want to prove to her I'm not a scared little wimp or because if she almost falls again I have to catch her, but I followed after her. This is scary and I want to stop. If I misplace my foot my one tiny inch, I will fall. My heart speeded up and my breathing goes ragged at the thought of falling. I look up at Tris. I can do this. I try to calm my breath. Is she _smiling_? For a second I wonder if she had been hit on the head too hard in her last fight.

"See that?" she asks me and points.

I stop climbing and look over her shoulder, my chin so close to her head. For a second I think about what it would feel like to lay my head on the place right next to her neck that looks so warm. I shake my head. These are not thoughts I should be having right now. Or ever, but really not now. I see the light twinkling far away.

"Yeah," I tell her and I smile.

Because I knew she could do it. I know she is the most Dauntless one of all of them.

"It's coming from the park at the end of the pier. Figures. It's surrounded by open space, but the trees provide some camouflage. Obviously not enough," I tell her.

"Okay," she says.

She looks over her shoulder at me and we are so close right now. My heart picks up fast for a different reason now.

"Um," she clears her throat, "Start climbing down. I'll follow you."

I nod and take a step down. My hands are shaking; it would be so easy to fall right now. I hear a snap above me and I look up as see Tris hanging from the bar above her. _Oh. My. God._

"Four!" she gasps.

She swings her legs trying to find somewhere to place them, but she's too short, she can't reach. I have to save her. I have to. I force myself to forget my own fear in that moment and think of Tris.

"Hold on!" I yell, "Just hold on, I have an idea."

I climb down, faster now. If she can just hold on for a minute, this will work. She can't let go. I think of the fierce determination I always see in her eyes and I know she can hold on, she will.

"Four!" she screams again.

I run toward the controls to the old rusty Ferris wheel, praying this would work. I press some promising buttons and the Ferris wheel creaks and starts to move. I hear her stifle a scream. I watch her move toward the ground, slowly. Can't this thing go any faster? I hit a few more buttons and it speeds up. I realize if she doesn't let go at the right time she will get smashed. She's smart though, I know she'll let go when she needs to. And she does. First she jumps onto her feet, but her legs give out and she rolls on the ground just out of the way of a car about to crush her. The bottom barely grazes her shoulder. I breathe out a sigh of relief and run to her. I grab her wrists and pull them from where she has covered her eyes. I hold one of her hands between both of mine.

"You all right?" I ask her.

"Yeah," is all she says.

And I don't know why, but I start laughing. Then she starts laughing too. She sits up and we are really close. Like really really close, and the space feels electric. I want to eliminate the space and collapse my lips against hers. She almost died just now and I still didn't know what it would feel like to have her lips against mine. This seemed so wrong.

I stood up and pulled her with me, the wheel still in motion behind us.

"You could have told me that the Ferris wheel still worked. We wouldn't have had to climb in the first place."

"I would have, if I had known," I explain, "Couldn't just let you hang there, so I took a risk. Come on, time to get their flag."

I hesitate for a second and then grab her arm. I smile at her and we walk back to the carousel.

I look to see the five people left to guard our flag. I guess they had finally come to a decision instead of fighting the whole game.

"Where'd the others go?" I asked.

Tris seems to be as excited as I am, I noticed out of the corner of my eye.

"Did you guys turn on the wheel? What the hell are you thinking? You might as well have just shouted 'Here we are! Come and get us!' If I lose again this year, the shame will be unbearable. Three years in a row?" an older Dauntless girl rants, shaking her head.

"The wheel doesn't matter. We know where they are," I tell them.

"We?" Christina asks, looking from me to Tris.

I'm suddenly angry at how she is her friend, but she has no faith in her, doesn't see how good she really is.

"Yes, while the rest of you were twiddling your thumbs, Tris climbed the Ferris wheel to look for the other team," I snapped.

"What do we do now, then?" a Dauntless-born initiate asks and yawns.

Everyone is looking at me, as if I'm the one with the plan. I look to Tris. After a minute everyone's gaze shifts from me to her.

"Split in half," she tells them, "Four of us go to the right side of the pier, three to the left. The other team is in the park at the end of the pier, so the group of four will charge as the group of three sneaks behind the other team to get the flag."

I smile smugly. I knew she could do this.

"Sounds good," the Dauntless girl says, "Let's get this night over with, shall we?"

Christina and Uriah walk toward us to the right. Christina starts running and Tris races with her. Only one person gets to actually grab the flag. It doesn't matter that we wouldn't even know where the flag is without Tris, Christina want it. It's that Candor attitude to always be the one on top that I hate about her. Tris runs faster, trying to get ahead of Christina, but her legs are so much shorter than hers. We slow down as we get to the pier. Tris points and her and Christina head towards it. I hear war-cries as the other part of our team charges the ones guarding the other team's flag, leaving it almost unguarded. Uriah shoots the last guard, a short girl with purple hair.

I look back to see Tris and Christina both reaching for the flag. Christina says something to her and then snatches the flag. She turns away from her and yells in victory. Uriah and the other join her. Tris stands there, as if she still can't believe Christina stole her victory, even if they were on the same team. I wonder what she had said to her? Then she just shakes it off and she screams too. Everyone had their hands on Christina, the girl with the flag. Tris can't reach her so she stands off to the side, a grin on her face. But something about that grin seems forced. I'm sure it is, but she tries to hide it. Tris should be the one in the middle of the circle, holding the flag. And she knows it. I know it too.

I walk to her and place my hand on her shoulder.

"Well done," I tell her softly.


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N: Okay the next chapter is the knife throwing scene. And since VR already did that in Tobias's POV, I'm going to channel my inner cruel, evil,** **psychopathic, power-thirsty predator man and attempt to do it from Eric's POV. At first I was thinking this is Tobias's story, no I'll just skip it. But I kind of want to. This could be fun. So read it and tell me what you think! This should be interesting.. (And of course if you don't want to read it, you can just skip this chapter.) **

I walk in the training room the next morning. We will be doing target practice today with knifes. I can't believe Four wanted to take this out of the training curriculum this year. It's always a good thing to be able to impress someone. Why is he so stupid? But he's not really stupid. Ugh. I think back to this morning when Max asked him how the initiates were doing instead of me, like he's the one in charge of them. I think not. And I think of last night how he beat my team at capture the flag. Again. I heard him and the Stiff climbed up the broken down Ferris wheel together. Idiots.

"Tomorrow will be the last day of stage one," I tell the lined up initiates in front of me.

I hope Four gets the message: that _I _am the one in charge now. It doesn't matter if he ranked above me in training.

"You will resume fighting then," I tell them, "Today, you'll be learning how to aim. Everyone pick up three knifes, and pay attention while Four demonstrates the correct technique for throwing them."

I look to Four. He is below me and everyone should know that. Why do people even think he's so great? I mean, four fears? Woop-di-do for him. I don't understand how that makes him fucking famous.

"Now!" I scream at the initiates when they don't move.

What are they, deaf?

They run toward the pile of knifes and grab them, desperate to do what I say. I walk towards Four and he flinches. I can't help but smile. Has he finally learned to be afraid of me? I sure as hell hope. He turns, facing the target and throws the knife. The initiates gasp like they've never seen anything so cool. Whatever. I can do it too.

"Line up!" I yell at them.

They all attempt to throw the knifes at the targets, but most of them miss. The Stiff isn't even letting go of it! I think how Four used to be a Stiff. I almost laugh because it's funny. It was fun making fun of him because of it when we were initiates. He would just look down at the ground, like he was going to cry about it or something. He was such a baby when he first came here. And he hasn't changed that much. I bet he hasn't even fucked a girl before. Hell, I bet he's never even kissed one before. I fight the urge to laugh again. I hear Peter talking to the stupid Stiff and listen in.

"I think the Stiff's taken too many hits to the head! Hey, Stiff! Remember what a _knife _is?"

I feel a small smile on my face. I like Peter. I think he'd be a good Dauntless leader when this is over. He reminds me of myself a little. But the Stiff doesn't even look at him, she faces the target and throws. _And she hits it_. The smile slips off my face. This scene was way too familiar. For a second I saw Four as the Stiff and me as Peter.

"Hey, Peter. Remember what a _target_ is?" she retorts.

No, she's not that much like Four. She has something he didn't when he first came here. She's less of a scared wimp and more brave. I can see the feisty determination in her eyes, different from Four's quiet resolve. He was more Stiff. Really, you had to look close at her to notice that she really was one of them. She is quite Dauntless. Four wasn't as quiet anymore though, something I miss. Just the sound of his voice makes me want to punch him till he's on the floor bleeding and crying, begging me to stop. My firsts clench and I pace behind the initiates. By now all of them have hit the target more than once. Except one. I decide to take my anger out on him. Because I can.

"How slow _are_ you, Candor? Do you need glasses? Should I move the target closer to you?" I taunt.

I think his name is Al. A stupid name to match him. I've seen him hanging out with the Stiff. Perhaps he likes her. She is rather plain, but her feisty little attitude is hot. I bet she'd be great in bed. Al throws another knife and it, of course, misses.

"What was that, initiate?" I snap.

"It-it slipped," he stutters.

I smile. He was afraid of me. I feel powerful. I forget all about the game I lost last night to Four.

"Well, I think you should go get it."

The others hold their knifes.

"Did I tell you to stop?"

I raise my eyebrow. I love this feeling of power and control.

"Go get it?" Al asks me, "But everyone's still throwing."

Well, duh. I could see that. I have eyes. God. He is so stupid.

"And?"

"And I don't want to get hit."

"I think you can trust your fellow initiates to aim better than you. Go get your knife."

I expect him to turn and do it. Or piss his pants and run out the door.

"No," he says.

I did not expect that. I want to scream. He has to do what I say! I have the control, the power. He can't refuse to do what I tell him.

"Why not? Are you afraid?"

I expect him to laugh an uneasy laugh and do what I say to prove himself not scared. _Scared._ It is one of the worst things you can call someone here at Dauntless.

"Of getting stabbed by an airborne knife? Yes I am!"

Oh. His Candor is showing. He's being honest instead of brave. Something he should not do with pride here. I raise an eyebrow at him, daring him to take it back. But he doesn't. He just stands there.

"Everyone stop," I yell at the others who are still throwing.

I am going to teach this boy that next time he should keep his mouth shut and just do what I say.

"Clear out of the ring. All except you. Stand in front of the target."

He gulps and walks over to the target. See? He was already learning. Good for him.

"Hey, Four. Give me a hand here, huh?"

I smirk. He obviously didn't like throwing knifes, so it would be fun to see him actually throw them at somebody.

"You're going to stand there as he throws those knives until you learn not to flinch," I tell the boy.

I wonder how many knives Four will throw. There is no way he will be able to keep from flinching.

"Is this really necessary?"

I knew this would make him uncomfortable.

"I have the authority here, remember? Here, and everywhere else," I remind him, in case he had forgotten.

He stares at me, and I stare right back. Then he turns away, to Al.

"Stop it."

The words come from the Stiff's mouth. No, she's definitely not like Four at all. I see him glare at her. I'm not stupid, I am from Erudite, and I have seen how he stares at her all the fucking time. I wonder if he likes her. I wonder what he would do if I slept with her and he found out. If only she wasn't a Stiff, I could probably get her to. That would be fun.

"Any idiot can stand in front of a target. It doesn't prove anything except that you're bullying him. Which, as I recall, is a sign of cowardice."

She has spunk. I can certainly see what he sees in her. But she's wrong. I'm not bullying Al. I'm teaching him a lesson. Isn't that what I'm here for anyway? A smile spreads on my face.

"Then it should be easy for you," I tell her, "If you're willing to take his place."

I look at Four for a second, looking at his reaction. He's going to throw knives at the girl he likes. Oh, this is too fun!

"There goes your pretty face," Peter says to her, "Oh, wait. You don't have one."

My smile grows a little. It is a shame though, that her face isn't pretty. I would have my eyes closed most of the time if I ever fucked her. She walks up to the target and she is so short, Four could hit the bullseye and it hardly touch her.

"If you flinch, Al takes your place. Understand?" he says to her.

I stand close to him, tapping my foot, trying to make him tense and unfocused. Maybe he'll hit her. I would love to see her reaction to that. Four throws the knife. It lands next to her cheek. She closes her eyes, but other than that doesn't move.

"You about done, Stiff?"

"No," she snaps.

She looks mad.

"Eyes open, then," Four tells her.

He touches the spot between his eyebrows. Okay? I step closer, trying to throw him off his game. I know I make him uneasy. He throws another one.

"Hmm," I say.

"Come on Stiff. Let someone else stand there and take it."

He sounds like he's telling her she can't take it, that she's weak. Maybe I was wrong when I said he'd never kissed a girl. I don't think he's ever even talked to one.

"Shut _up_, Four!" she almost yells.

He throws a third knife and looks away quick. She cringes and touches her ear, her hand coming away with blood. He hit her! I know he did that on purpose. I know he has a perfect aim. Is this his idea of getting her to notice him? Oh, wow. My mouth fell open and I covered by talking.

"I would love to stay and see if the rest of you are as daring as she is, but I think that's enough for today."

And I turned to Four.

"Well. That should scare them, huh."

I smirk. I walk to Tris and place my hand on her shoulder. I smile at her, but she doesn't return it.

"I should keep my eye on you," I tell her.

Then I turn and glance at Four. He's staring at the blood that's now dripping down her neck. He looks sick. His expression makes me want to laugh, and I do as soon as I'm out the door.

**A/N: Whoaa, well that was different! Hahaha, tell me what you think!(:**


	10. Chapter 9

**A/N: Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews! You guys are the best. Sorry for this being late. This is kind of short. I'm going to try really hard to do the next chapter tonight or tomorrow… I think I had way too much fun writing the last chapter! Haha But here's Tobias back!(: Oh, and poemsfromtheheart: The wedding will be as soon as I finally finish this! Haha!**

"_Hello son," my dad says to me._

_We are in public, where he pretends, but you can still see the cruelness in his dark blue eyes that match mine only in the color. We are in the Dauntless compound, in the pit. It is filled with people, as it usually is, but there are people from all different factions here. There's a little red over there and a lot of black and white, black, and blue clothed people scattered along the walls. It is visiting day. All the families who are not Dauntless are weary of the chasm and they look around them taking it all in cautiously. My dad is the only person here wearing gray Abnegation clothes. I look around my new home. Why is he here? He must be mad. He must be really, really mad at me. Would he do anything in front of all these people though? I came here to get away from his! Why did he have to follow me?_

"_How are you?" he asks._

_I don't answer him. If I say anything, my voice will surely crack. Maybe I can convince him I am no longer afraid of him. I just can't talk. He looks around the room. I hope he's looking at all the people, all the people who he can't let see the wicked monster only I know._

"_Would you like to go somewhere quieter? It's rather noisy in here, and I have something I must tell you."_

_I can't help it, I feel panic flash in my eyes. And I know he sees it too. I know because he smiles that malicious smile that is reserved just for me. I want to run. I want to turn and run from the room, from him, to anywhere. But I make my feet stay planted. I was Dauntless now. I should be brave. I should face him. I might never get another chance to show him he doesn't scare me. The fact that I will never see him again is the only thing that keeps me from fleeing. _

"_No," I tell him._

_I try as hard as I can to make my voice steady and hard._

"_What did you say to me?" he screams at me._

_His humble selfless façade is dropped and he is the man only I know. Suddenly the room is quiet and when I look to see why, everyone is staring at us. He starts to take off his belt, like he has so many times before. But I am stronger now, maybe I can run. So I turn around and sprint, but suddenly he is everywhere at once, blocking all my possible escape routes. He walks toward me slowly and I walk backwards, but I know it's coming. I know there is no escape. And all these people will see! How hard have I worked to get a reputation here? How hard have I worked to own up to the name Four? And now it would all come crashing down as they see that I am afraid of my own dad! _

"_Please," I beg, "stop."_

_I am no longer Four, the strong Dauntless man. I am still Tobias, the weak little boy whose dad beats him. I look around again. Why were they not helping me? Couldn't they see I need it? Then I saw Eric. He was standing alone and was smiling. I took another step back and almost fall over the ledge of the chasm. Where was the railing? It was gone. And when I looked down the rush of water that was usually calming was not there either. It was an empty hole, and I couldn't see the bottom. My heart started pumping even faster, my breathing sped up. My dad stepped up to me. I barely noticed that the belt was gone. I was standing on the edge of a cliff! _

"_Push him in!" I heard Eric shout._

_My dad turned around and looked at him, smiling. Then he turned back to me and said those wretched words that have haunted me for so long._

"_This is for your own good, Tobias."_

_He was going to push me in. He was going to push me over the edge. I closed my eyes, accepting my fate._

_But then I heard a voice. A girl's. _

"_Stop it!" she shouts, just like she did in training when I was about to throw knifes at Al._

_No! Please no! She can't see me like this! _

_I see her running toward us. What is she doing? She has a knife in her hand. My dad looks up at her._

"_Beatrice. What a nice surprise."_

_He speaks again like the humble Abnegation man. Then she throws the knife. It hits him in the kneecap, where she was aiming. _

"_Tris!" I yelled. "Run!"_

_She looks at me, then back to him. _

"_Get away from him!" she says._

_Then he starts laughing. He's on the ground in pain. He turns to me._

"_Looks like someone hasn't been very truthful about things. No one could ever love the real you."_

_He can't stop laughing. This is so funny for him. And then everyone else in the room starts laughing too. Everyone, even Tris._

"_No. No!"_

_I crawl back away from then all of them. Then I'm falling. I'm falling down the hole that has no bottom. I'll be falling forever. It'll never stop! I start to scream. I squeeze my eyes shut. I just want it to stop. I just want it to be over!_

My eyes snap open and my body jerks. I have somehow landed in my own bed safely. I let out a huge breathe. It was just a dream. It was just a dream. It was just a horrid awful dream. After my breathing and heat beat are regular again I sigh and get up. I take a quick shower, throw on some clothes, and head to the training room. I see Tris run out of the dormitory in a dress. Why is she wearing a dress? She runs right past me, not even seeing me. I almost stop her and ask what she's doing, but a glint of anger in her eyes stops me.

I walk in the training room and up to the chalk board and start pairing up the initiates for the fights today. I can't put Tris with Myra again, although I want to because she couldn't throw a good punch to save her life. I pair all the others up first. I'm left with Molly. The initiates are in the room now. So I go ahead and put her name next to Tris's. I sigh and move away from the board. I look over at her. She has on pants now. She must have ran to the store and got an outfit more appropriate for fighting. She looks on edge. But she looks nothing like a scared little girl. She looks bloodthirsty. I raise an eyebrow. What has gotten her so worked up? I fall back on the wall and a yawn escapes me, still exhausted from my nightmare filled night. I stare off into space during the three fights before her turn. I look at her and she keeps biting her nails.

When it is her turn she walks into the arena and she her lips are in a hard angry line. Molly says something to her, taunting her, but I'm not close enough to hear it. Whatever it was though, it makes Tris narrow her eyes. What did she say to her? Molly makes the first move. She tries to punch Tris, but she ducks out of the way and hits her in the stomach. Tris moves away from her, keeping her hands up. Molly runs at her and at the last second Tris simply steps out of her path. Molly's fist flies towards her face and she blocks it with her arm. I see her wince a little. Molly grits her teeth and moans. She tried to kick her side, and Tris dodges it and then elbows her in the face. She barely moves in time and her elbow scuffs her chin. Then Molly punches her ribcage and she stumbles, regaining her breath and balance. Tris looks at Molly, studying her for a moment. Then Tris's first hits her stomach. She loses her breathe for a second, and in that second Tris kicks her legs out from underneath her and she hits the ground. Molly is down. Tris won. I think she will stop, but I am wrong. She kicks her ribs. Molly curls into a ball and she kicks her again and again. She keeps kicking her and I stand there staring with my mouth slightly open. I have no idea what has gotten into her. I do not know who this vicious angry girl is.

I realize she is going to keep hitting her. She will not stop unless I intervene. I run up to her and grab her arms from behind. Molly is covered in blood. She groans again, but this time it's in pain and blood falls from her mouth. Tris is still resisting me.

"You won," I say softly in her ear. "Stop."

She relaxes and I let go of her slowly, ready to grab her again if she moves toward Molly. She wipes sweat from her forehead. Her eyes have lost the angry glint in them and she looks up at me. She has Molly's blood all over her, but it does seem to affect her at all. My eyes are wide with alarm. Where did all of that come from?

"I think you should leave. Take a walk," I tell her.

"I'm fine," she says to me, then looks away. "I'm fine now."

What does she mean by that? I have no idea, but if it made her act like that, I really have no desire to find out. I search her eyes for any sign of regret or guilt. I find none. And if I said I wasn't afraid of her right then, I would be lying.


	11. Chapter 10

I blink my eyes a couple of times before I'm fully awake. I stretch my muscles, stiff from my dreamless sleep. Today was visiting day. I had the whole day to myself. I could close my eyes and fall back asleep. I could stay in bed the whole day. This sounds appealing. But that would mean I wouldn't get to see her. I groan and get up to take a shower. I wonder if her parents would come. I'm sure they will. I walk down to the Pit. Of course all of the Dauntless families come, but I search for the transfers who are standing alone. Drew and Molly are the only ones I see. She still looks like a mess from Tris's wrath. I see a woman who could only be Tris's mother standing by herself in her Abnegation gray clothes. I look for Tris, and I find her. She walks fast over to her mother and they hug. I discreetly walk a little closer to see what they say to each other.

"What about Caleb?" I hear Tris say, "Will you visit him later?"

Who is Caleb?

"I wish I could, but the Erudite have prohibited Abnegation visitors from entering their compound. If I tried, I would be removed from the premises."

Her mother speaks gently and quietly, but at the same time something fierce is there underneath her placid exterior. That's terrible that they wouldn't allow Abnegation visitors. But who is Caleb?

"What? That's terrible. Why would they do that?"

"Tensions between our factions are higher than ever. I wish it wasn't that way, but there is little I can do about it."

Our world really is crumbling. But who is Caleb?

"That's terrible," Tris says again.

I do recall her standing with a boy most of the times I saw her in Abnegation. Could it have been Caleb? Was it her brother? There is a minute of silence between them.

"There's one of my instructors," I hear Tris say.

"He's _handsome_," she replies.

Without thinking I turn my head to confirm they were talking about _me._ Then to my surprise, her mother offers me her hand.

"Hello. My name is Natalie," she tells me. "I'm Beatrice's mother."

I'm almost positive my dad was friends with her parents. I really hope she doesn't recognize me. I shake her hand awkwardly twice, the gesture unnatural for both of us.

"Four," I introduce myself, "It's nice to meet you."

"Four," she questions. "Is that a nickname?"

Her eyes squint a bit and I can see her trying to put my slightly familiar face with a real name. I change the subject.

"Yes. Your daughter is doing well here. I've been overseeing her training."

And if they suspected I was listening in before that clarifies I wasn't.

"That's good to hear. I know a few things about Dauntless initiation, and I was worried about her."

She lets it go. I look at Tris's face. She's determined and brave. She belongs here more than me.

"You shouldn't worry," I tell her honestly.

Natalie tilts her head.

"You look familiar for some reason, Four."

Apparently she did not let it go.

"I can't imagine why. I don't make a habit of associating with the Abnegation."

I tried to say it cold and detached. She laughed so I might not have been as convincing as I would have liked.

"Few people do, these days. I don't take it personally."

"Well, I'll leave you to your reunion."

I walk away from them and down a random hallway. I'm going nowhere in particular, just walking.

**A/N: Ughhh! I don't know why the last few chapters are short and awful.. And why am I so very good at procratating? I promise, it will get better! Thank you all for the amazing reviews! I love them and you! XOXO{:**


	12. Chapter 11

After diner I grab the chalkboard I had posted the ranks on from my room and go to the dormitory. I lean against the wall and put it on the floor.

"Before I show you your ranking, I'm going to explain exactly how the rankings are calculated," I say to the initiates.

But I stop when I notice not all of them are there. Okay, so I noticed Tris wasn't there. And neither were her friends. They'll probably be here in a second. I'll wait. I look around the room. Edward is standing in the front, looking hopeful. He knows he ranked first; of course, he hasn't lost a single fight. But his girlfriend, Myra is clinging to his arm and dread is clear on her face. I almost feel bad for the poor girl. I don't even know why she's here. I guess it's just to be with Edward. She obviously loves him. It's rather tragic, really.

I look up to the door and see Tris walking in. Drew shoves her against the wall, but she doesn't acknowledge it. I look away quickly and put my hands in my pockets. The piece of chalk is there from earlier today. I pull it out and hold it as I talk, to give myself something to do with my hand.

"For those of you who just came in, I'm explaining how the ranks are determined. After the first round of fights, we ranked you according to your skill level. The number of points you earn depends on your skill level and the skill level of the person you beat. You earn more points for improving and more points for beating someone of a high skill level. I don't reward preying on the weak. That is cowardice," I explain.

I look over to Peter, hoping he'll get that the last part was directed at him.

"If you have a high rank, you lose points for losing to a low-ranked opponent."

Molly makes some sort of noise in protest.

"Stage two of training is weighted more heavily than stage one, because it is more closely tied to overcoming cowardice. That said, it is extremely difficult to rank high at the end of initiation of you rank low in stage one."

I see Tris move out of the corner of my eye. I look up and she is looking at me. Our eyes meet and I lose my train of thought for a second, I forget what I'm about to say. Then she looks away quickly.

"We will announce the cuts tomorrow. The fact that you are transfers and the Dauntless-born initiates are not will not be taken into consideration. Four of you could be factionless and none of them. Or four of them could be factionless and none of you. Or any combination thereof. That said, here are your ranks."

I hang the board on the wall and step back so they can all see.

1. Edward

2. Peter

3. Will

4. Christina

5. Molly

6. Tris

7. Drew

8. Al

9. Myra

I glance at Tris and see shock written on her face. I smile. It is quiet for a minute. Everyone is turning it over in their heads, thinking. Then Molly squawks.

"What? I beat her! I beat her in _minutes, _and she's ranked _above_ me?" Molly screeches, pointing at Christina.

I roll my eyes. I just explained this.

"Yeah," Christina says smugly, "And?"

Before Molly can answer or fists could be thrown, I turn to her.

"If you intend to secure yourself a high rank, I suggest you don't make a habit of losing to low-ranked opponents," I say, reminding her of her loss against Tris.

I put the chalk back in my pocket and l walk toward the door. I don't look at Tris when I pass her, but when I get to the door I casually glance back before I leave.

"You. You are going to pay for this," Molly spits at her.

I start to turn back in to stop the fight that will surely happen, but then Molly stomps toward me, toward the door. I guess she still remembers how beat up she was from the last time Tris and her went at it. She probably didn't want to go against her again.

I walked down a couple of hallways and up the stairs to the Pit, where the initiates go through their fear landscapes. No one ever comes here. I am alone.

I hook up the simulation to a computer. It's my fear landscape. I see my reflection in dark window and push the serum into a vein in my neck.

Then I am no longer at Dauntless headquarters. I am on top of a building, a building that is very high in the air. I've been through this enough times that I know every single move to make. But I can't breath. The heavy wind blows against me and I stumble. My heart skips a beat. I look down at my feet. I am on a normal sidewalk, on the ground. I can walk forward and nothing will happen. I take a deep breath. I put one foot in front of the other slowly. I can do this. I am one step away from the edge. I have to jump. I breathe even faster now and take the step. And I'm falling. I am falling through the sky. I am falling fast to the ground. I shut my eyes and don't open them until I'm lying on my stomach on the grass.

I breathe a sigh of relief and don't get up. I lay on the soft green grass. I never want to leave it. But then a wall hits my back. I throw my arms out in front of me, a jerk reaction. They are met with another wall and I groan. It's completely dark. And tiny. And small. No. Small is an understatement! I gasp in a breath of air; it seems to be a limited supply. It's hot and I can feel my face sweating. I have to control my breathing. I just have to breathe normally for a just one minute and this will all go away. I sink down to the ground and curl my legs up next to my chest and wrap my arms around them. The box clashes and I can feel the edges that have grown closer hovering all around me, just barely touching. I have to calm down. I have to calm down. I have to think about something else.

One image comes to mind: Tris. I sigh and close my eyes. What if she was here with me? I would never want her to see me like this. I finally force my breath to steady and the box disappears.

I breathe a sigh of relief, but the feeling doesn't last. I see a girl and a gun on the table next to my right. I know I have to shoot her. I hate it. I don't even know who this girl is, but I'm going to shoot a bullet through her heart. I'm going to kill this girl wearing a long red dress, her hair in braided pigtails, with innocence and patience shining in her brown eyes. But this isn't real. It's just a simulation. No innocent girl will really die. I pick up the gun and point it at her. Her pink lips form a small "o" and her eyes go wide with fear. It may just be a simulation, but it feels way too real. I look away and pull the trigger.

I don't look back in her direction until the scene changes and the gun has disappeared.

I look up and I see nothing besides him. Just him, with his dark, merciless eyes, his cold, cruel smile, and his thick leather belt in his hands.

"Hello Tobias," he greets me smugly.

He takes such pleasure in this, in my fear. It makes him feel powerful that I am actually afraid of him. He doesn't belong in Abnegation, he is power thirsty. But I don't belong where I am either. Maybe I somehow inherited this trait from him.

Chills run down my spine. My back is still wet with sweat, and I think it might freeze from the iciness that radiates from him. I can feel my heart pounding wildly in my chest. I resist the urge to turn and run and never look back. This is my very worst fear. It's the reason I come back through here so many times. I want this to go away. I left my home to escape him, yet he followed me here, reminding me how unfit I am for my chosen faction. Dauntless is a place for the brave, and the very reason I came here was out of cowardice.

"This is for your own good Tobias," he tells me, just like he has a million times.

I throw my hands in front of my face. I feel the blow of his belt across my stomach.

It hurts so badly. I think this is the worst he has even done. I can't help but scream in pain. I sink to the ground, clutching my middle, squeezing my eyes shut. I can hear him laughing, and his laugh echoes around like thunder. It vibrates my head.

Then I'm back in the old stairwell on my knees. I gasp for air and wipe the cold sweat of my forehead. I pull my shirt up. I can still feel the awful sting of the hit, but there is no mark. It never actually happened. I lay on the cold concrete floor for a while.

After my breathing is finally semi-normal, I stand up and open the door. I head to the control room to relieve whoever is on duty.

Then I hear an awful scream. I throw the door open and race to the monitors.

"Turn on the lights," someone yells in the room.

It's the transfer initiates room. _Tris. _

The black screen turns to color when someone flips on the light switch. I see Edward lying on the floor. His hands are pressed against his face and blood is all over him. I look closely and see that there is something silver in his eye. There is screaming and yells for help and Edward is crying loudly. I can not do anything besides stare at the screen. Especially when Tris crouches down by him and pushes her hands into her shoulders.

"Lie still," she says calmly.

He doesn't listen.

"I said, lie _still_. Breathe," she demands, louder this time.

"My eye!" he howls, "Take it out! Get it out, get it out of me, get it out!"

She shakes her head and bites her lip

"No. You have to let the doctor take it out. Hear me? Let the doctor take it out. And breathe," she tells him soothingly.

"It hurts."

"I know it does. It'll be all right."

She sits next to him until a nurse comes in. She gets up form the floor and steps back as the nurse does her job. I stare with my mouth open. She is covered in blood. It doesn't even seem to faze her. She just looks around the room then takes some clothes and goes in the bathroom.

She comes back out with a ton of paper towels. She gets back on the floor and she scrubs the blood, trying to clean the red-stained spot while everyone else gets back into bed.

I feel breathing behind me and I know its Eric and I know he's watching her. My fists clench; I want to protect her from him.

"Hmmm," is all he says, and then he turns around and leaves the room.

I sigh in relief. Then I look back at the screen. She's still scrubbing the floor.

I want to warn her: Careful Tris, your Abnegation is showing.

**A/N: Omgggg, this is so long overdue… but new chapter! Yay? Does anyone still read this? Haha. Ehhh, sorry it's really shitty. I'm kind of out of practice.. I have no time with school, dance, dance, and more dance! But I'm working on it. I think I've finally got my shit together! Yay, that means more writing. (: To the person who reviewed and said "**At some points he sounds like a teenage girl", **sorry man, but I'm a teenage girl, and it kind of rubs off in my writing a bit.. haha, oops.. sorry, not sorry. Thank you to all of you who have left amazing reviews saying it's good and you want more! To the person that said "**Doesn't he call off the fight"**, ahhh no. I have the book right beside me through the entire process of writing this to make sure I get every detail and all the dialogue right. I love all you guys so much, and thank you for all the nice lovely reviews! :D **

**Oh, and **WilliamsTori, **I'm an amazing writer? Well, it takes one to know one darling. ;)**


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